Always Like This

Instead of working on a deck, me, right now is looking for path of life. By pouring my thoughts into this note.

If you asked me what i want to be, i can't really answer that precisely. My thoughts and choices of life, has been a jumbled sentences, that sometimes arrange-able and sometimes is not. What i always know is being a career woman (as long as you make your own money) is good.

But then, i saw lots of people doing this and that, and they mentioned that they are doing their passion.

It shatters me. I started questioning my own choices. Whether i was walking in the right direction or not. Then, sometimes i realize, my life skill was only about survival. Not developing or unleashing my inner potential (not sure i even have that one). But, already 30 years old right now, i am not sure that i can even unleash my inner potential or try new things and made it as a source of income. I don't, probably, at the first start, it will be lesser than what i have got as an employee right now. But, it will satisfy my passion, or help me find what i've always wanted to be. Which i don't know what. Maybe. I don't know. There's no validation until you try it on your own. Then, i move to courage. To step into new jungle, you need courage (as well as plan). Not sure i even have that one. Probably it is what we called COMFORT ZONE.

Recently, i asked my friend, who's a career coach, what do you think is a good career for me? and he said, what is your passion? And i can't even answer. Simply because i am diluted in comfort zone and not packed enough courage into it.

I am just gonna be a regular mom, then. Probably regular mom-who-is-survived-from-JKT-traffic-and-not-get-angry-easily-to-her-child-and-can-clean-and-cook-well-then-put-make-up-to-face-daily-routine. Yeah, that will suits me well. Hopefully.