Being Extra

So, recently, there was a colleague asked me, what is "extra" for you? and i quickly answered, what is extra for me, is my daughter. She is always extra. Which makes me even more EXTRA. Like every single day, started when i wake her up for school prep (she's in playgroup btw), and she always asked : "Why do we need to wake up? i'm so sleepy right now. Can't we just stay at home?" or "Why are you always go to work? isn't today your holiday?" Every. Single. Day.

And, it's not just happens in the morning. Meal time, is always super EXTRA. The EXTRA-est of all. She will be having hard time when meal time came. Either, she throws up in the middle of eating, she refused to eat her food until it's gone cold, or either she's requesting me to cook/make something, then when it's done, she just doesn't feel like eating that. I basically lost my patience and become monstrous mommy. I always be like that 99% of the time. I never really good at that.

You know what? When i spend 1 day with her, like full 1 day

(mostly in the weekend), sometimes i am just losing it all. My patience, my expressions, and all the stuff i read in a book of how to deal with toddlers is gone with the wind. But, at the end of the day, looking at her face when she's sleeping so sound, the guilt is exploded. I feel so guilty for yelling at her in the morning, not being patience enough with her, or too much checking on my cell phone while she's asking to change the TV channel. Or when's she asking me something i can not answer (mostly). I just feel not good enough. Failed mom self labelled.

Then, bam! in the morning, history repeats itself for the ummph-teenth times. But, don't get me wrong, i loved her 100%. The type of love you've never felt before, but turns out it exists. Yes, that's the love of a mother to her child.

Let me know, if you find a place in Tokopedia to buy patience. Got enough tokocash to sort it out.